Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
