census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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