In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
MIDGETS
????
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
