Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
