Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
