what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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