Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
