The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
