we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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