Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
