you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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