Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
