I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
