Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
