i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
