I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize