Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
