That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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