Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize