i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
