How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
