So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize