2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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