if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
