All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
