I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
