my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
