I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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