my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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