all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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