So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
