At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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