Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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