You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
