let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize