you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize