Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
