If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
