Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
