I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What a dumb baby whore.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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