There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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