she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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