smell my finger.
the day after is always just damage control
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
