I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
