chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
