you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
