I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize