u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize