You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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