I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
