I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
