So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
