The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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