I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
