Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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