you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
