I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
