I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
