look no pants
I cockslap morals
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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