Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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