PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
