u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
