This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
