just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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