Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize