the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
