absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
