when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize