I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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