I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
