clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
