i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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