Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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