I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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