How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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