I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
