I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
