In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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