I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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