Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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