I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
