Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
