So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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