Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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