What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
