I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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