remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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