The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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