2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
