I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
