im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
