Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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