I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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