I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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