I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I cut my penus on the lid.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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