just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
