Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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