"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
this hospital has no fireball
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
