apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
the raccoons are back...
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