I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
