I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
