tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
