weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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