Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
