Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
