nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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