just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
