we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
