i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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