I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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