I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
