I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
