I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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