Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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